Author: abcrisp

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Coming to Terms With Who We Are

A few years ago, I wrote a Canada Day post that reflected a little on our nation’s shortcomings and hoped we could move past them. In light of the revelations over the past year, I’ve come to realize that post was written from a perspective of privileged naivete.

As I write this, the nation is reeling from the discovery of three sites of unmarked and/or mass graves, each site corresponding to a site where a Residential School once stood. Each site filled with the bodies of Indigenous children who died at those “schools” as part of the genocide the governments of the day waged against the First Nations people within our borders. Right now, the tally stands at over 1,000 children buried at these sites. Now that there’s an active push to examine the Residential School sites across the country, that number can only be expected to rise.

In between the discoveries, other examples of the deeply rooted and systemic racism within Canada have revealed themselves. In early June, a man in London, Ontario, took a vehicle and ran over a Muslim family, killing all but one nine year old child. A former intelligence officer has recently spoken out on systemic racism and harassment within CSIS, Canada’s intelligence agency. Another report records several racist incidents at one of Canada’s busiest border crossings. The first black leader of a federal political party – Annamie Paul of the Greens – is under fire from her own party, and faces a no-confidence vote.

My post in 2018 operated under the assumption that Canada was not, at heart, a racist country; we had our flaws, true, but we just needed to work at them. But now, faced with the mounting evidence, it is time to come to terms with who we are. Who we really are.

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Vaccinated, Part 1

Through all the ups and downs of this pandemic, the plan to vaccinate the province kept moving slowly. Early this month, my age group finally became eligible for vaccination, through either the province’s official clinics or the local pharmacies. I opted for the latter route, in no small part as the Fredericton area vaccination clinic was troublesome for me to reach (being a pedestrian has its drawbacks). But I scheduled my appointment, which came and went yesterday.

I showed up at the pharmacy about fifteen minutes ahead of time, consent form in hand, not entirely sure what to expect. As it happened, there was only one person ahead of me, and they’d apparently already received their shot, so I was ushered to a room – well, more of a booth – where the final parts of the form could be filled out and the shot administered. The whole process – basic instructions and cautions followed by the shot – was over in five minutes and really quite painless. I’d spent the next fifteen minutes waiting for any adverse effects (there were none), before I was given my immunization record, and the date and time of my next shot, and sent on my way.

For those curious, I was given the Pfizer vaccine, one of the two mRNA vaccines being offered. I’m actually pretty pleased about this – I’m a fan of new technologies, and messenger RNA vaccines are among the newest vaccine options available, with the potential to treat a variety of diseases that up to now have defied earlier efforts. The Pfizer vaccine is also the one with the fewest recorded side-effects in the days after the shot, and this too has proved to be right on the mark. Apart from some soreness at the injection site and a mild headache this afternoon, I’d felt much the same after as I had before. I don’t mind.

Barring unexpected changes, my next shot will be in early September – not entirely chuffed about the delay, but I do understand why it’s happening. Four months is a while to wait, but I’d endured the restrictions for the past fourteen; there is something uplifting about knowing when I can expect a return to something approaching normalcy.

That said, a full return to normal life won’t happen if the rest of the province doesn’t reach the needed vaccination levels. Today’s provincial briefing put a (to me) optimistic date of early August for the lifting of the bulk of restrictions. I say optimistic, because our fully vaccinated level currently stands at just under 5%, so to get to 75% in approximately three months is one heck of an S-curve. However, we’re currently a little over 50% for the population having received their first shot, and the incoming supply is better now than it has been for much of the vaccination period, so who can say?

Until then, I’ll be keeping my mask handy and distancing as much as I can. We’ve come this far; let’s not flub this now that the end is finally in sight.

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The Ugly Feeling of “Anything Can Happen”

When the news about the Trumpist assault on the U.S. Capitol reached me, I had already figured I’d received my quota of bad news for the day. Our province, which only yesterday had to be pushed back into Orange level restrictions to contain a surge in COVID cases, had had its worst day yet, with 31 reported infections (we had 27 the day before, and 17 the day before that). I knew in passing there was a mob of Trumpists in Washington, but I figured they wouldn’t amount to much.

Then, on the bus ride home from work, I watched my twitter feed explode with the news. Trumpists fighting police. Trumpists in the Capitol building. Trumpists on the House Floor. An American flag removed and a Trump flag hung in its place. People evacuated, one person killed. The word “insurrection” came up more than a few times to describe it, even as official media continued to call it a “protest”.

Insurrection. All too accurate a label for what happened.

As I write this, the insurrection has been put down. American FBI went in and cleared out the Capitol building. The U.S. Congress is reconvening to finish the business the insurrection interrupted. The National Guard is on its way to help secure the city, if it isn’t there already. But there’s a general sense in official news and on Twitter that America crossed a line today.

It all feels surreal to me, in a way. I suppose most Big Moments in History feel that way, when you’re viewing it at a remove. Adding to the surreal feeling is the sick certainty that, regardless of the procedure the Americans will be following, for the next two weeks, nobody truly knows what will happen. Insurrectionists occupied the U.S. Capitol building. In the two weeks before Trump is officially removed as President (assuming this day’s events don’t hasten his departure), who knows what else they might try? Who knows what Trump might do in an attempt to hold on to his fading power – he certainly encouraged this insurrection before and during the event in question.

I mentioned elsewhere my belief – founded in the events of the past four years – that Trump is America’s most evil and most incompetent president in living memory. He needs to leave power, and he’s made it clear – repeatedly – that he won’t leave quietly. And, to be clear, he will leave power – not willingly, not quietly, but he will; the law leaves him no other option. But he’s moved himself and his followers outside the law; and for the first time, I fear the damage he can still do in the two weeks he has left. I can only pray we are not witnessing the beginning of a civil war.

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Out of Last Year’s Wreckage

So. That was a terrible year. On more than one occasion I’ve tried to organize my thoughts and feelings as the world kept getting worse around us, but every time I thought I had enough of a handle on things where I could speak, the year upended everything, until the best I could do was to greet each day with “What fresh hell are we in now?”

I mean, where do I begin to discuss this damned year? Do I start with the COVID-19 Pandemic, which has killed over 1.8 million people as of this writing, or the race protests in the States and here in Canada? Do I talk about our Prime Minster, who, while well-meaning, apparently needs to be reminded on a regular basis on the concept of “ethics”, or do I talk about my provincial Premier, who’s only response to the challenges of our province seems to be to cut, Cut, CUT everything from the government until only a skeleton remains? Perhaps I should talk about Trump, the only U.S. President in living memory to be both the Most Evil President and the Most Incompetent President at the same time? Or about how so many people decided that they didn’t care enough about their fellow humans not to wear a piece of cloth over their faces and to stay HOME to keep from spreading COVID-19, and so contributed to that 1.8 million death figure?

I repeat: this was a terrible year.

It wasn’t all bad. We now have two vaccines against COVID, and they’re being distributed as of this month. America did vote Trump out, though with a smaller margin than a just society should have allowed (to the 74 million who voted for Trump, may I ask WHY?? The man and the party that enabled him was stripping your country down for parts and attacking the rights you take for granted! What does it take for you to see that?). For the first time in nearly a year, we can think about repairing the damage to our civilization, and maybe, just maybe, start building something better.

At least, that’s what I hope. And I hope that this is a hope we all share – and are willing to take action on.

Happy New Year.

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Starting to Move Again

2019 has been, in many ways, a terrible year for me. My faith in a lot of things – family, church, my own creative interests and goals – has been battered to near-destruction. That I still have faith in any of these things – or faith at all – is a minor miracle. But it has meant that I got very little done in the past year; and that feels terrible in itself.

It might be academically interesting to explore the reasons why this year had brought my life to a near-halt, but I do not feel it would be practical to do so. It is more important to get moving again.

Over the past week or so, I’ve started keeping track of habits I want to form, and goals I want to set. Some are on the level of self-care; such as maintaining a proper amount of sleep each day, exercising, cutting down my sugar intake (which means primarily cutting down soda intake). Some are meant to repair my spiritual life. And some are designed to start re-exploring my creative side, see what interests I might still hold and in which direction. Writing, art, programming and modelling – and keeping this website running and updated.

So far, my efforts are paying off – I’m getting more sleep and exercise now, reading my Bible and praying again. My creative habits are not coming back as quickly as the others, but I have started drawing again.

My big goal for 2020 is to keep this up as best I can. Maintain daily short goals and build them into habits. To keep moving, even if at only a crawl, is better than stopping like I did before. If I can succeed at this, maybe I can start considering more ambitious goals. We’ll see.